Surrounded by strangers

I've come to this epiphany lately that I seem to be surrounded by strangers. I feel like no body really knows me at all, and I have to accept that it is my fault. Owning a service-based business, I'm surrounded every single day by people who are on an acquaintence-level relationship with me. If they ask how my day is, they don't want a long, in depth analysis of my thoughts and desires, they want a "Good, how are you?".  Not that I'd expect any thing less, I mean you don't tell your cashier at Target that you didn't get accepted into your college of choice; but its very hard to remain socially accepted when you don't have friends in your life that you can relate to.  Since I've graduated high school, and left my job to start my own business, very few people have stayed in my life. Once I had my baby, even fewer people bothered to remain. I have my parents, my fiance, and a few good friends, but its been so long since I've had a best friend. Someone who really gets me, and has my back as much as I have theirs. I think part of this has sparked from the fact that I've certainly lost myself. I used to have a clear definition of who I was and what I want to be. Now, all I feel is old and tired. Stretched so thin, I'm not even a person anymore, just a string of facades to get thru the day.
I'm going to "pause" this blog for a bit, be back later

Sketti Bake - mock lasagna for busy moms on the go!

I want to take just a moment to share one of my family's favorite creations: Sketti Bake.  Before I had Axel, I made the world's best lasagna. Every time I had friends over, they would request my lasagna and garlic bread. Unfortunately, lasagna is very time consuming, and time is something that I can never find, so I created Sketti Bake. I'm sure it's been done before, but I'm sharing my version anyway. It tastes very similar to lasagna, but it takes less than half the time. Enjoy!

First, boil two packages of noodles. You will want thicker noodles like penne rigate or spiral noodles. For this one, I used one of each.  Next, drain and distribute among two pans

Next, add about 3/4 cup spaghetti sauce to each pan. You can add ground beef of course, but I didn't this time because I had none on hand AND was in a hurry. 

Finally, top with a layer of mozzarella cheese, and sprinkle with Italian seasoning. 

One pan gets labeled and tossed in the freezer for another night...

The other gets broiled just until the cheese melts and browns slightly. (about 8-10 mins)

Serve with a fresh spinach salad, and enjoy!

So there you have it, one of the easiest meals ever.  I work nights usually, so it's nice to have something Jeff can pop in the oven while I'm on my way home, and we can eat as a family.

You can also saute green and red peppers while you're cooking the ground beef, and add when you add the sauce.

Modern Hippie

So I've come to the conclusion that I've become a hippie. No, not the kind that doesn't shower and smokes a lot of pot; the kind that is involved in the earth, playing a part in the production of food, and trying to keep things as holistic as possible.

I firmly believe that Mother Nature gave us all of the tools we need to mend our bodies right here in the earth. I believe that there is a LOT of healing power in foods and herbs, as long as you know how to use them.  I believe that chickens who are allowed to roam all day, foraging for bugs and eating weeds not only lay healthier eggs (or are better for meat, if you raise chickens for that), but they give back to the earth as well in the form of pest control, nutrient-dense fertilizer, and when they dig in the soil they aid in the composting process.

I was vegan for about a year, when I was 18. I did it more as a protest against large food corporations, and because I felt that eating animals that have suffered their whole lives wasn't healthy. I mean think about it, you're eating pain, suffering, and loneliness. Not to mention loads of antibiotics, feces, and I'm sure parts of other animals, since over crowding leads to cannibalism. You are what you eat. When I was vegan, I also made it a point to wean off of my anti-depressants and to stop using pharmaceutical drugs. I never felt better in my whole life! I had so much energy, I could think clearer, and I just felt great. Unfortunately, being vegan is very hard in today's society, especially when you have a husband who loves meat. BUT I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't about the lack of meat and animal by-products in my diet that made me feel good; it was the lack of processed foods, of chemically dyed and enhanced food, of beverages created in a laboratory... I guess you could say it was a lack of "fake" food that made me feel so good.

I've shifted my way of thinking. I'm sure there's a technical term for what I am, but I'm going to call myself a "naturalist". I believe I need to make an effort to live as "organically" as possible. I don't mean organic as in food labels, I mean the real definition of organic:

or·gan·icAdjective/ôrˈganik/

1. Of, relating to, or derived from living matter: "organic soils"

I believe I need to live from the earth. To grow food with my own hands, to spend time mending my own soil, and to make sure what I eat is of the earth, not of beakers and test tubes. There is something so much more fulfilling about going out to your garden, picking a few vegetables, and chopping them up for that evenings salad vs. filling up a bag at the grocery store. Or the noticeable difference in the yolks of the eggs from backyard chickens vs. the ones who spend their life in a crate with no sunlight.

As Deborah Madison put it so well in this article,  there really is a "difference between merely feeding and really nourishing ourselves"

My adventures in couponing...

I really admire the people on TLC's show, Extreme Couponing. Somehow they manage to purchase thousands of dollars of merchandise for only a few bucks. I have tried to dabble here and there, but I get lost with all of the rules, and now my favorite grocery store doesn't do double coupons...and it's just way to much work for me.

I have gotten really good at spotting deals, especially on meat, and stocking our entire freezer full to save us big $$ down the road. A few months back, I scored chicken breasts for 67cents/lb, and I bought 15 packages (all that would fit in the freezer). Each package was regularly priced at around $9, and I got them for about $2.50 each, so I essentially saved $97.50!  But those sales don't come around too often, and we have finally used up all of our chicken storage, and I'm left wishing I bought more at the time.

Last week, I lucked out and got a great deal on Axel's favorite Gerber snacks.

We scored all of these food items for $10!

Fry's is currently having a sale where if you buy 10 participating items, you can save 50cents off of each one, totaling $5 in savings. Each of these snack items are regularly priced at $2.90.  They were on a slight sale, but were also part of the "buy 10, save $5" deal.  Now for this deal to work, you could buy ANY of the participating items across the store, but I also had this coupon:

The bottom coupon is what I received at the end of the order for buying 10

Fry's had noticed that I buy a lot of these snacks, so they gave me a coupon at the register, offering me a coupon to use on a future order, depending on how many of the snacks I purchased in a week.  So I'm thinking, $5 off (of the sale price, not the original price), $4 future coupon if I buy ten...so I might as well buy ten!  THEN I found (not pictured) another Gerber snacks coupon - $1 off if you buy three or more.

I was ecstatic.   So I went up to the register, with my 10 snack items- regular priced total: $22.90.  After the sale and the coupons, they were $14, and if I include my $4 off coupon (for next order), the grand total was $10. I spent $10, and saved $12.90.  I love it when I save more than I spend! I rock. :)

Unfortunately, the stars have to be aligned just right to score this deal, so this doesn't happen very often. In the meantime, I look out for sales on our favorite non-perishable items (like Axel's juice), and try to stock up. It's hard when you have to stick to a budget, but I try to remind myself, I may be spending $30 just on juice right now, but I'm also saving $1 per bottle, and that will help in the long run.

So good luck to you, future deal-finders! And if you see an awesome deal on chicken breast, please don't leave me out of the loop! 

Wishing I could take the "working" out of the title of this blog...

I am torn. I love the fact that my company is growing, and we're making so many changes and adding new classes this fall, but today as I recalled my youth, I started having second thoughts.

When I was younger (around the age of 7), my family moved in with my Grandmother. My father had suddenly gotten very ill, and stopped working, so my mother was forced to continue her education so she could support her family. My mom worked her ass off; she went to school full time, stayed up all night doing homework, and worked double shift weekends so she could still pay the bills. As an adult, I am so proud of her. I cannot believe the strength it must have taken to accomplish all of that with a 7 year old AND an infant. As a child, it deeply saddened me to grow up without a Mom. I remember going through an awkward stage where my father dressed me for school, in XL tee-shirts, and baggy jeans and the kids making fun of me, saying I looked like a lesbian. (note: not that there's anything wrong with that, but to an elementary school kid, anything different is THE END OF THE WORLD).  I remember not having any one to teach me about hair and makeup and boys... I remember when my mom started going to the gym to allow her some "me-time" and I cried saying she never had any time for me. I remember Easters and Christmases where everyone in the family got together, and all of my cousins had their Moms, but mine had to work. And I remember the time my Mom did have to spend with us, she was always stressed out trying to make ends meet.  Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way, shape, or form blame my mother, but I've always vowed that I don't want that for Axel. I remember when my mom had announced that she had finished school, I asked her "Does this mean you get to be a stay at home mommy now?" and she laughed and said "No, honey, I went to school so I could work", and I was so confused. Why would she work so hard to get to work at a place away from her babies? Didn't she love us? My little 7 year old brain couldn't wrap itself around the concept.

I remember a few weeks ago, someone telling me that my load would lighten and I would have more time to focus on working when Axel started Pre-School or Kindergarten. (On a side note: we have been considering home schooling him, so we don't even know yet if he would be in public school. ) I had thought at the time "Finally, some peace and quiet to get things done, and I wont have to feel so guilty about taking him to a sitter."  But today I realized where I was mistaken:  I don't teach class during the day when kids are at school.  With the exception of maybe one or two appointments per month, all of my classes are on the weekends or at nights. Meaning Axel would spend all day at school, only to come home to see Mom for an hour, eat a quick meal, and then Mommy wouldn't be home until after he was tucked into bed. This thought immediately brought me to tears, as it is now, because I remember all the feelings of resentment I felt, and all of the loneliness. Now granted, a boy doesn't need his Mom as much as a daughter does, but still - eventually we would like to have more kids, and I am a FIRM believer that a Mom's role is to make the house a home, not to work. If someone said to me right now "Money will never be an issue, be the Mommy you want to be", I would devote my entire life to my kids. In fact, it KILLS me to see all of my friends working on their second baby, and I know I have to wait because my job doesn't come with maternity leave and I haven't yet found another trainer to help me out with the company. I would stop writing right this instant and get pregnant tomorrow if that were the case. (I'm sure Jeff wouldn't mind, lol!)

Again, don't get me wrong, I love training - I love my clients, and so on and so forth. But I love being a Mom so much more. I hate the business end of my job - the phone ringing constantly, the midnight hours spent doing paperwork... I hate that sometimes I get so overworked that I turn into a mean person. I love my son's smile, and his laugh, and everything new he learns every day. I want to be his soccer-mom, and spend my day making lunches, and taking him to his sports practice, and helping him out with his homework. I want to spend my day keeping the house tidy, walking the dogs, and making dinner for my husband. I want to be a wife and a mother, not give my job 110% and only have scraps left to give my family.

Can somebody please kick my a$$?

Sigh. As I watch the fees for personal training deduct themselves from my bank account, I think (yet again), I REALLY should get back to the gym. I was doing great - working out 5x a week, and working with a trainer 4x/month. I lost 18 lbs. blah.blah.blahdefrickinblah. You've heard the story, I need not bore you with the same cliche excuses... but I will:

I have about 1000 excuses. My Ipod's not charged, I can't find my lock, I didn't sleep last night, Axel's too fussy, it's too hot, I have to work later and don't want to wear myself out...really all I'm saying is "I'm a lazy blob, please don't judge me". Aside from all of these excuses, I really don't know why I can't get back into my routine.  I have racked up enough training hours that I could see them 2x a week for the next month, and really get a kick start on my workout again. I just have this HUGE mental hurdle about going. When we moved and I took a few weeks off, I was terrified of the ladies at the gym making comments about how I slacked off. "Don't worry," Jeff said, "No one cares that you haven't been going, except you." LIES. When I dropped Ax off at the KidsKlub, both of the ladies were like "Axel! We haven't seen you in SOOO long!" I lied and told them we were on vacation, because I wasn't strong enough to create a sarcastic, "Yeah, I'm just a lazy piece of crap" comment.

My old personal trainer has either been fired or quit, because I don't see him there anymore, and when I asked, they're like "Oh, Danny left!" like I had been living under a rock, or just haven't been to the gym in 47 years. (Way to boost my confidence! I already know I'm a lazy piece of crap; see above). I'm technically okay with my old trainer being gone, because he was rude and never taught me anything. I had to ask about my form all the time - which, if I'm not mistaken, is an important part of weight training. I tried to sign up with this one lady I always see working people out - she and her customers always look like they're having a good time, so I thought that would be a good start. But when I went to the training desk, the old man sitting there was so rude and told me to sign up online. (Um okay, but I still don't know her name so thanks, guy.)

So, I sit here, desperately wanting to work out, but afraid. I'd work out with a video tape, but I can't overcome the fact that I'm paying so much money, and it'd be pointless to workout at home. If I workout with a friend, it has to be at 8am when I can bring Axel to the KidsKlub - aka babysitting with the most inconvenient hours - or like 9pm after work. Ugh, I'm just so fed up. Help?

"The Honey-do List"

My fiance hates that term. You know, that ever-expanding list of things that are broken around the house and need repair. I feel like our house creates something new every single day. That's right, our house breaks just to spite us. But seriously, there are never enough hours in the day, and not enough air-conditioning in the world to replace the life that the Arizona sun sucks out of you. I feel like I need a "Mommy of the Year" award for just keeping everyone fed, my customers happy, clean clothes on everyone, and not losing my sanity. Forget about organizing the shed, or cleaning out the computer desk...

But every now and again, we get a little burst of motivation from my friends at 5-hour energy, and stuff gets done. Hardcore.

This weekend, despite teaching 5 classes and managing a little one, somehow we have turned into little buzzing bees and have crossed a few things off. For starters - laundry. I don't know how, but every now and again, we rack up like 9 loads of laundry! I think it's mostly bed items/towels/dog beds/rugs, but it's also 10,000 onesies and little shorts, and just as many mismatched socks. Today was a super-productive day. It's only 2pm and I'm over halfway through with washing every article of clothing that exists! *pats myself on the back* Don't laugh, I deserve it. If you saw my house, you'd say I deserve it too...after you picked your jaw up off of the floor.

Secondly, we have a "dog-room". This is where every crate we own is stored, all of the dogs shack up to eat and then go to sleep at night. We also have a mini-closet in there full of boxes that we have yet to unpack from our move. We just bought two new Great-Dane sized crates, and had no where to put them, so something had to be done. So all of the crates were taken outside and disinfected, ALL of the dog-laundry was washed, the closet reorganized and dusted, and some of the boxes unpacked. Whew! Just thinking about this reminds me of how much work it was! Some highlights of the evening: we found a whole box of Axel's toys that had gotten lost in the move, found our missing Netflix DVD (thank goodness, now we can finally rent something else!), I found a new box of tampons (do you know how expensive those things are?! lol), and Jeff found one of his How-To books he'd been looking everywhere for :) And to think, this never would've started if I hadn't dropped a box on myself the other day, or if I hadn't stubbed my toe on the crates folded up in the hallway :)

Jeff is currently installing a doggie door for Ava and Carl to enjoy, and he's doing an excellent job! It's currently a huge mess, but soon the doggies will get to spend time in the back yard whenever they please. Knowing my dogs, my German Shepherd will be out there 24/7, and I will have to call her in to see if she's still alive, and my Lab will say (pardon my language) "Fuck that, it's hot out there!" and spend his days exactly like he does now, curled up on a dog bed, enjoying the AC.

Other than that, our porch has been cleaned off, the chicken coop repaired and moved onto the porch with the misting system (more shade, because again, it's hot out there!), the garden has been dug up and more cantaloupes planted, and I'm about ready to call it a day and take a siesta.

In other news - Jeffrey just returned home with an Oreo Jamocha shake from Arby's - and it is AMAZING. That is all.

Thanks for reading! Hopefully this will inspire you to go clean out your medicine cabinet or something. Or to go buy a Jamocha shake. Look Arby's, free advertising. You're welcome.

Dear LA Fitness...

I normally don't bash companies, but I'm actually very upset with LA Fitness right now. After Axel was born, I signed up for the gym because they had what seemed to be the best day care and were right by my house. I even got suckered into paying for personal training, but at the time, it was okay, because the person who signed me up taught me a lot and I was super motivated to work out! All was great, I was going 5x/week, and I ended up losing 18bs. Go me!  But then we moved - not super far, just a mile north, so I still was going to go to my same gym. But the move caused me to get out of my 5x/week routine. Also, the personal trainer that I got stuck with wasn't actually the same guy that signed me up, but rather some kid who basically got paid to watch me to do situps and text on his phone. Whatever. What REALLY upsets me is their bogus KidsKlub.  The ladies that work there are amazing. They know Axel by name, and he always is super excited to go hang out with them. The problem is that if he cries or fusses in the slightest, I get called to pick him up, and there goes my workout. Now, previously, when Axel woke up at 7am it was just enough time to get him fed, me dressed, and us out the door to be there right at 8. Now, he wakes up anywhere from 5am-630, usually on the earlier side, but the daycare doesn't open till 8. So I'm stuck either waiting to shower and feeling disgusting, or showering twice in one day. Also, since he wakes up so early, if I don't get there RIGHT at 8, he's too tired to allow me to have a 1 hour workout. 

Now the wise choice would be to have a relaxed morning, give him his nap and go afterward, right? WRONG. The daycare is closed from 12pm-4pm. What the hell? Axel wakes up from his nap around noon, and I usually work in the evenings, so there goes that idea.

How is a Mom supposed to fit the gym in if she only has one option of when to go? I would LOVE to go at 6am before it gets hot and humid, get the gym out of the way, and then have the rest of the day to buzz off of the gym-high. Maybe I'll have to start waking up at 4am so I can work out, get home and shower before the little one wakes up. Yeah, like that's going to happen...

I really liked LA Fitness too :(

I love my little monkey...

But he is just too darn smart! I know every mother says this about her child, and as much as I praise his intelligence, I often find it's a hassle to try to keep up! No wonder my mother got me into reading before kindergarten - so she could plop me on the couch with a book and have some peace and quiet for a few moments. 

I don't buy Axel toys anymore. He figures them out in the cart, and by the time we get home, that toy is old news. No, Axel wants to help Mommy. (Which will be awesome once he becomes more efficient)  Today, I found him "watering the dogs".  I have a watering can with a slender nozzle that I use to fill up all of the pups' water bowls in their crates - major time saver! Axel saw me doing this once, and decided he should help, and of course water was everywhere. He had a good time, and the doggies enjoyed watching him splash around, so no harm there. He also likes to help me unload the dishwasher.. but while I'm trying to load it with dirty dishes. Yesterday, he accidentally broke Daddy's favorite cup, but the look of terror on his face when it shattered was more than enough of a "Sorry" for me :) I've taught him to load up the laundry hamper and push it to the back door so we can wash the clothes, he just needs to grow taller so he can load them for me too :) hehe! 

What other jobs can I keep this bizzy bee interested in?

Hi there! Nice to meet you!

Let me welcome you into my little world of madness. You will find that you either fit in quite nicely, or you will want to run for the hills, ripping your hair out as you scream for help; either way, once you enter, there's no going back. You have been warned ;) 

Let's start with a little about me. My name is Leah, I'm currently 22 years old, engaged to a wonderful man named Jeffrey, and mother to a 1 year old little monster named Axel. (He's technically 15 1/2 months, but after a year, who really cares? I actually had to count on the calendar the months since his birthday.) Oh, and I'm the owner/operator/head trainer/person who does everything for my business.  I've been a dog trainer for 6+ years now, and decided to work for myself about 3 years ago. I love it, it's challenging, it's rewarding, and every day is something new. That being said, the business aspect of it is emotionally draining, tedious, exhausting, and above all, takes time away from my little one, the reason I'm working in the first place.  

My uncle once said to me about a year ago, "So you work full time, but you're also a full time stay at home mom?!" Yup, that's pretty much me. Wake up (way too early), make the baby some breakfast, inject coffee directly into my bloodstream, walk the dogs (and by dogs I mean my own personal two, and whatever client's dogs happen to be sharing my home with me at the time), feed the dogs, feed/water the chickens (oh yeah, we have chickens too! haha), advertise online, answer emails, clean up whatever mess the baby has made, change the world's smelliest diaper, answer the phone 10 times, run errands, train doggies, clean up whatever the baby has currently broken, thank God that Jeffrey has returned home, leave home to go teach class, come home, make dinner, walk/feed doggies again, clean up, collapse in bed in a coma-like-state. 

Note things that were not mentioned: time to pee, breathe, shave legs, apply makeup... etc. 

When we got pregnant, visions of being a stay at home mom, keeping a tidy house, well balanced meals on the table, and home schooling the kids fluttered around in my head. Unfortunately, like many others in this day and age, the economy has forced us into having a second income, and has stolen my sanity. Most working mothers drop their children off at day-care or with Grandma, work their 8 hours, then come home to their families. I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend my time with him, but finding the balance is something I'm still struggling with. Please join me on this journey, and maybe we can shed some tears together, laugh at the day's epic sitcom-worthy story, or just get lost in a 5-hour Energy-induced rant. :) Hope you enjoy the ride!