Can somebody please kick my a$$?

Sigh. As I watch the fees for personal training deduct themselves from my bank account, I think (yet again), I REALLY should get back to the gym. I was doing great - working out 5x a week, and working with a trainer 4x/month. I lost 18 lbs. blah.blah.blahdefrickinblah. You've heard the story, I need not bore you with the same cliche excuses... but I will:

I have about 1000 excuses. My Ipod's not charged, I can't find my lock, I didn't sleep last night, Axel's too fussy, it's too hot, I have to work later and don't want to wear myself out...really all I'm saying is "I'm a lazy blob, please don't judge me". Aside from all of these excuses, I really don't know why I can't get back into my routine.  I have racked up enough training hours that I could see them 2x a week for the next month, and really get a kick start on my workout again. I just have this HUGE mental hurdle about going. When we moved and I took a few weeks off, I was terrified of the ladies at the gym making comments about how I slacked off. "Don't worry," Jeff said, "No one cares that you haven't been going, except you." LIES. When I dropped Ax off at the KidsKlub, both of the ladies were like "Axel! We haven't seen you in SOOO long!" I lied and told them we were on vacation, because I wasn't strong enough to create a sarcastic, "Yeah, I'm just a lazy piece of crap" comment.

My old personal trainer has either been fired or quit, because I don't see him there anymore, and when I asked, they're like "Oh, Danny left!" like I had been living under a rock, or just haven't been to the gym in 47 years. (Way to boost my confidence! I already know I'm a lazy piece of crap; see above). I'm technically okay with my old trainer being gone, because he was rude and never taught me anything. I had to ask about my form all the time - which, if I'm not mistaken, is an important part of weight training. I tried to sign up with this one lady I always see working people out - she and her customers always look like they're having a good time, so I thought that would be a good start. But when I went to the training desk, the old man sitting there was so rude and told me to sign up online. (Um okay, but I still don't know her name so thanks, guy.)

So, I sit here, desperately wanting to work out, but afraid. I'd work out with a video tape, but I can't overcome the fact that I'm paying so much money, and it'd be pointless to workout at home. If I workout with a friend, it has to be at 8am when I can bring Axel to the KidsKlub - aka babysitting with the most inconvenient hours - or like 9pm after work. Ugh, I'm just so fed up. Help?